Don't Worry, Be Happy

It’s been said that I am in Israel “searching for myself” but truth-be-told I’ve already been found. I am a product of mine and your making (since everyone of you has inevitable left an imprint on my being) and now it’s only a matter of identifying the correct contexts for me to safely come out and play. These days I have been finding myself quite a bit, when I am not studying in Mayanot, I can be found in the used-book store down the street, in the market place buying strange spices to sprinkle on my dinner, purchasing soaps made with calendula at the local craft vendors, or hanging out with laid back hippy Jews drinking Hoegarden on tap at the underground Jerusalem reggae scene. Jerusalem is beginning to become my town. I know the shortcuts, where to pick herbs to put in my tea, I run into friends walking down the street, and I can give tourist directions when they ask…sometimes.

I would really really really like to write about Chassidus. Thus far I have put it off because it seems like such a daunting task but it’s critical that I share because it’s a big part of why I am here. Most of you are familiar with testaments of Jewish faith… belief in One G-d, not eating milk and meat together, keeping Shabbos, etc etc prohibitions that seem to never end…. but come’on guys, there is obviously something deeper going on here, something that triggered me to drastically change my life, perspectives, and destination. I will try to explain it to you, and hopefully G-d will bless me with the ability to articulate it. If not, this entry can serve to benchmark my level of comprehension that I hope to achieve by the end of there year…

Disclaimer: I excuse anyone from reading this blog if discussions of the esoteric and transient don’t interest or resonate with you, no pressure, there are many faces to the Torah, and not every soul connects in the same ways. But for me, besides the over-analyzing lawyer and practical business woman persona I sometimes take on; Chassidus connects to the lover; die-hard romantic, and philosopher within me.

Chassidus is a school of thought within Judaism whose function is to reveal the unity of G-d. No small task, but quite essential if you think about it. Revealing G-dliness at first seems like a completely unattainable endeavor … Where does one even begin? I suppose the first part is to understand Why? Why do we need to reveal G-d? Can’t we just think to ourselves “G-d lives in the Heavens and at times He’ll peak down from the clouds and answer our prayers”. No! This thought process is not conducive to internalizing the concept of G-d. Its too disconnected. The reason we want to reveal the unity of G-d is because we should LOVE Him and how can we possibly love a concept that we have no idea about? How was we love something we can’t relate to? That we have no connection with? How can we love something that we can’t fathom? Faith is important however it is not enough to nurture feelings of true love. Chassidus attempts to bridge this gap, to make the idea of G-d so completely palpable that we can feel in our lives at every second in order that we become keenly aware that G-d is everywhere, in everything, and inside of each of us. And in turn, we actively love and seek G-d.

Chassidus employs many techniques to make the concept of the Unity of G-d into something concrete and understandable, such as meditation, visualization, celebration, and appreciation of nature. These methods enable us to form a more real and personal relationship with Gd so we can love and pray in a meaningful way to “You- the Holy One Blessed Be He” and actually feel that we are addressing the Creator.

Lucky for us, finding G-d in everything is easy since the world was created so that we, mere mortal human beings, can experience and revel in the Light of G-d just by tuning in. In Kabbala, Gd is referred to as the Divine Light. Light is a very fitting metaphor for G-dliness since it isn’t tangible but we can still experience it. It fills space, permeates, exposes, and it is generated by a source but can become disconnected and sustain itself (ok physics majors…go to town on that statement..but remember it’s just a metaphor). Light stands for the Unity of G-d. Accordingly, darkness is then the opposite of unity, which is expressed as separateness. When we get stuck in details and loose touch with a bigger idea, when we focus on ourselves rather than the higher goal -- this is the opposite of unity and results in darkness.

As an example, think of your bodies, think of a sickness. What happens when part of you stops functioning in unison with the rest thereby preventing your body from achieving the common goal (which is to live a healthy life)? In a unified body, everything is in sync. The body is a microcosm for this much larger idea. Within the body we have a lot of different things going on, our hearts are pumping, our minds are reeling, our feet are moving, and our white blood cells are fighting. There is a lot of multiplicity happening BUT they all work together to express one thing.

When we realize that all the variety and differences in this world…from race to religion, from tree to frog, are all working towards a common goal and don’t actually contradict each other, then the light can be revealed. Anything can become a vehicle to separate us from each other and the world -- religion, ideologies, clothing, food, etc. if we get stuck in the details versus seeing the big picture. However we can instead function like a flashlight in order to shed light on the common denominator and consider for a second what are we all working towards here?

They say that when you get angry you loose touch with reality. You get so stuck in the details, in your moment, in your emotions, that you become disconnected from the world. You experience darkness. Following this line of thinking, Chassidus teaches that the only way to be a flashlight, shedding light on the darkness and experience the unity in all the seemingly disconnected ideas, is to Be Happy. Real Happiness is being connected with the true Unity of Gd, being beyond the details of the world, beyond yourself, your ego, and your man-made identity. When you can see the common denominator, when you can see positivity in everything…what you are really seeing is the G-dly spark. There are many people who are fortunate enough to have discovered little secret of happiness through their own deductions, those whose wisdom is rooted in the ancient soul residing within them. Happiness, it seems like such an oversimplification, but it’s truly profound. So let us elevate all the darkness around us and let the Light of G-d shine out, illuminating the world and others.

This is not the point I wanted to get to in this blog entry…I just typed and this is where it took us. But reading through, it doesn’t seem like a very bad point at all. Employing Happiness as a tool to seeing and experiencing G-dliness! Let us try this week to step out of ourselves in order that we can get in touch with the bigger picture instead of the small details of ourselves and our differences. Next week, G-d willing, I want to explain the point I was hoping to get to now…showing that although our souls are nice, the point of existence is to eat cake.

But until then…Be the light that disperses the darkness.

Keepin' it Real

Four years of college, many an internship, party-throwing, and legitimate work experience has only partially prepared me for the realest job: Shabbos preparation. This past week was an in-Shabbos…what this means is that we stay at our school and make our own meals and festivities. Sounds simple, but it’s actually quite (and by quite I mean extraordinarily) complicated. Three meals, thirty hungry women with high standards and sophisticated palettes, and a very broad prohibition from doing any work at all once the holiday begins = a very big challenge. As you all know me…overly ambitious Jenna…I volunteered myself for the slaughter, to manage the cooking of the Shabbos food. Of course meted with serious trials such an oven whose temperature doesn’t adjust and getting locked out of the kitchen 5 minutes before candle lighting with all the food inside, I am glad to report that it was mission success: we gorged ourselves on food, we heard some deep words of Torah, and sang songs until our voices were reported missing.

I figure you guys would like some more information about my program since until now I’ve been providing little more than flowery anecdotes. So here’s the 411. The program that I chose to attend is wonderful and I wouldn’t want to be in any other learning institute. Besides knowing this to be true in my heart, it is reconfirmed every week when tons of women from other programs come to Mayanot to attend the open-to-the-public lecture on Chassidut. The learning I do is a perfect balance between in-depth textual studies (the Torah, Mishna, Gemara, etc), Halacha (the dry law), and Chassidus (the inner-essence of Judaism). The teachers are also incredibly intellectual and assessable. What I like most about the learning is that they don’t just sit us down and tell us the rules about Judaism, they teach the meanings and arguments for and against each law, mitzvoth, practice and tradition. We have the room to fight, delve, and understand versus taking it at face-value. Apparently this is quite revolutionary for a women’s yeshiva, but I personally couldn’t have it any other way.

However the icing on the cake at Mayanot is the women I am learning with. This program was created for the Baal Teshuva, the Jew who chooses a more observant life style later in life versus growing up that way. The key word here is “Chooses”. The self-realized, educated, empowered woman thing completely defines the vibes of this institution. There is no coercion, no pressure, no conformity. These women are so deeply spiritual and aware of their beings; their purpose; their life’s meaning, it is utterly inspiring. I sleep so little because the learning never ends, even out of the classroom we are up talking until the break of dawn discussing personal transformation, G-d’s omnipotence and manifestations, life, trials, how we ended up here, and what the final redemption looks like…is the messiah an actual being or is it a state of revelation that the whole world experience at once?

It’s also important to note how real these women are. They are from this world versus growing up in a sheltered traditionally orthodox household (of course there is something to be said for those who have, it’s also an admirable path) but the point is, these women infuse a whole new dimension into Torah learning since they relate it to the world at large. Only in a Baal Teshuva program do things like this come up: The other day in my Talmud class I was learning with my Chavrusa (learning partner) about a concept called Hova. Suddenly she stops and looks at me, “Didn’t JayZ sing a song about that?” or when we are singing a traditional song and one of the women yells out “REMIX” and starts breaking it down with a beatbox while the others proceed to get low. Or like when we are talking about Kabbala and some deeply mystical concepts and someone nudges me saying “Wow, I can’t believe we are talking about this and we aren’t on mushrooms”. There isn’t a need to forget who we are or where we came from. It isn’t about cutting off the circulation to parts of us we’d like to forget or disown, or trying to fit into some mold, or go down a specific route. These woman are not trying to change their beings, rather, they are using Judaism to reveal their true essence. Through Chassidus and teaching of the Tanya, we are learning practical tools to interact with ourselves and each other, gaining the clarity to discern G-dliness in this world (which lo and behold, can be found everywhere). This weeks Torah portion was about Abraham leaving his past world, his previous notions, his land and following G-d. It is called Lech Lecha which is translated to mean “Go into yourself” and that is what Mayanot is all about.

This is the first year of the Mayanot Woman’s Programs existence, and I have to tip my hat to them because of their incredible achievement. In theory Mayanot sounded too good to be true, how they transformed the idea into actuality is amazing: it’s a completely open learning environment striving for both intellectual and spiritual pursuits in Judaism. I am so proud to have witnessed it come to life, to have helped pioneer it.

BTW, since this is my blog it is my perogative to insert my political agenda and I know this is a contentious topic especially in the Jewish community, but there’s no surprise at where I hold on the matter…Congratulations on the election! I am so proud to be an American. Go Obama. Yes we can.

Short Essays

The other day we had a writing workshop and the theme was recalling our Jewish experiences while growing up. I wrote two short essays that I’d like to share.

Going to Shul with Grandma

“I’ll meet you there, you know where our seats are” said my grandma as she walked past our driveway (she’s my next door neighbor) en route to Hillcrest. The shul down the block is where she was off to. Member of the sisterhood, tzaddaka giver, and most notable voice in the congregation, Shirley Gilman Domber was on her way. Her hand tailored (by her own hands) skirt swinging back and forth as she strut down the street in Queens; although her Brooklyn swagger loudly proclaims where her loyalties lie. My grandma, head of the family, brisket maker extraordinaire, definition of resourceful, witty, too outspoken, outrageous, blue eye shadow wearing, salsa dancing, yamaka knitting, picture taking, chupa making, secret keeping, advice giving grandma holds her arms open and we all fit in them…although she isn’t really the touchy type. “Don’t give me kisses, you know I don’t like that stuff” she says. I arrive at the synagogue and find her sitting in her aisle, sucking on a hard candy because it soothes her throat and doesn’t count as food during the fasts. She has her siddur open but doesn’t need to look down until the Chazzan starts singing her song. “Oh I love this one” she’d proclaim as she shmears a finger on her pink lipstick and marks the page for future reference. Then she sings, louder than everyone else and about two beats slower then the rest. Her eyes are closed, her body is swaying. I stare, completely transfixed by her magnificent being.

The Yichud Room

When I was young my family attended a synagogue called Gamilas Chesed in Pittsburgh, Pa. It was the most beautiful House of Prayer I have ever seen, even to this day. It had blue stained-glass windows and an ark-shaped ceiling, casting a sapphirey glow on all faces of the inhabitants. When you entered the room it was as if entering another realm, you’d think the laws of gravity weren’t applicable there. Perhaps now that I am older, can actually read Hebrew, and have developed an appreciation for the words of prayer, I would be able to sit in that room, basking in the majestic royal blue while pouring out my soul. But as a young child, being there was absolutely unbearable. There I sat, swinging my legs that didn’t quite reach the floor, my ruffled socks covering my mary-jane rocking feet, wearing a fluffy itchy dress and my haired brushed back so tightly, my eyes changed shape….uch. My younger sister and I would stealthy sneak out of the room---to use the potty for the 15^th time--- and run across the reception hall where many a Kiddush was eaten. The pitter patter of our shoes smacked the linoleum, echoing throughout the room, until we reached the secret door. We’d exchange knowing looks and race in because whoever got there first would get to sit in the chair and be the honored cala (bride). The bridal chamber was a small room replete with ribbons, feathery couches, baskets of pearls and ribbon, cloth flowers, and best of all, a glass desk with a huge mirror, undoubtedly the place the bride sat as her friends and family fawned over her. The winner was whoever made it to the chair first, while the other sister would immediately fall into step pinning ribbon to the cala’s dress, tying flowers into her hair, applying lipstick to her mouth saying “oh darling, are you sure you’re ready to go through with this”.